It took me a while to realize that I was falling for you. For me you were always a good friend, yet somewhere in between friendship, I knew there was this constant urge to never let you go. Earlier I thought it was just affection towards a friend, but now I know it was a lot more. I still remember those days when I couldn’t stop myself from looking at you every moment. Yes, every moment. My eyes would always search for you. Be it in an empty room, or a crowd. All I could focus on was you. Well, it’s still the same. It’s still you.
Looking back today, I don’t know if it was that smile that melted my heart or those searing eyes, which took my breath away every time you looked at me. Oh! Every time our eyes met, I secretly wished the Lords would stop the time, and for some moments it would be only you and me. Perhaps it was just those moments when neither said a word, yet your presence would make my heart beat faster than I have ever known. They say you find magic in the people you love. I found my magician in you. The one who always seemed to know exactly what I am thinking, and when no one could help me feel better on days I was sulking, you would make me smile through my tears. It still surprises me how you would heal my wounds without me ever showing them to you. Thank you for being the therapist of my life.
Honestly, it is every little detail about you which makes me crave for you more and more. As though you are the missing part of my soul, I have been looking for all these years. Be it the way you ruffle your hair, or how you laugh a little too much on silly jokes, or times when you share small details of your life with me. And, when you talk to me about your family, I adore you a little more every time. It is a pleasure to listen to you, to know that you trust me enough to tell me things you don’t always tell everyone else.
Then there are times when I wish I could just hold you tight, and let your warmth soothe the chill of my heart. When the world seems too cruel and mean to live in, I wish to hide in your embrace and just be there till the chaos subsides. Sometimes when I look at you and our eyes meet, I wish you would see how I try to hide my feelings. It hurts to see you so close, yet never be able to reach out to you. Well, how can I? There is this fine line between friendship and my feelings which I have promised myself never to cross. And there you are, oblivious to the fact that there is someone whose heart skips a beat every time you are around. Yet, the fear of losing our friendship stops me from telling you all those words that I have packed in some corner of my heart.
I have been in love before and I might find love again, but every time I look at you the only thought that crosses my mind is “Could anyone else make me this happy?” Yes you, you are my happy. May be there will come a day when I will have courage enough to tell you how hard I am falling for you. And the day I do, please know that I am aware of how it always messes up somewhere in between and that nothing hurts more than a heart break. I don’t ever want that to happen to us. You might never love me the way I do, yet I know that years later if I look back on this phase of my life, I’ll always think of you. It cannot be anyone but you.
Because, it took me all these years to find someone like you. And I wish you are a part of my little forever, forever. Because it’s you. It’ll always be you.
I love you.
The one who is too scared to confess feelings